An introduction // shopping

Hello all,

 My name is Ben. I am currently a student at the University of Bristol reading Theology. I will hopefully graduate this year and not fail my exams! You really don’t need to know much more than that. The rest will become apparent (and most reading will, of course, know me).

Shopping

Okay, so I went shopping today. This in itself is unlike me as I don’t tend to shop. By ‘shopping’ I don’t mean food shopping, which I similarly don’t enjoy but have to do or face starvation (there are days…). No, ‘shopping’ here means going into town and, ugh, browsing.

Since my arrival in university back in the good old days of 2004, I have become frugal, almost cheap, in my attitude to shopping. I could count the number of clothes I have bought since 2004 with my hands (my brain helps too). I don’t like shopping as it makes me feel guilty. More than that, it makes me hate people.

‘People’, if you know me you will know this, annoying. I’m not saying all people in the world annoy me (hmm…) but that generally when a large group of humans converge in one place they will annoy and irritate. This is best shown by going to The Mall Galleries shopping centre in Bristol city centre.

I think The Mall Galleries (just The Galleries, in my day) was opened in 1992. It may have been 1996. But whatever. It is just like any other half-decent, under-cover shopping centre. It is large, modern, airy and warm in winter and cool in summer. It was obviously designed to house the best kind of high street shops (quite what was wrong with the high street, I don’t know) and does this fairly well.

But of course, what this encourages (almost orders) people to do is all go there. In once, albeit large, building. It is Tuesday today and still at 2.00pm the place was rammed with people. Young people, old people, middle aged people. School children skiving with pride whilst trying to nick DVDs from Woolworth’s. All these people getting in my way, walking too slowly or standing like lemons.

Escalators help this. Escalators are pointless. The Mall Galleries has six escalators to take you to its three floors. Up and down. People are happily walking along when they approach this labour saving device and then – AND THEN – rather than walk up/down it in a faster way than would be possible, they stand on it and slow the whole process down. I could run up and down the ‘normal’ stairs in the time it takes for the escalator to ascend/descend to its appropriate floor. Unbelievable.

I went to town to try and find a cheap printer (impossible) and a bag for university (completely possible if I wanted to look like a twat). I came away with nothing except an over-done Cajun chicken pasty. I then caught the bus to Clifton Down where I bought a new toothbrush, toothpaste and razor blades and got charged the ridiculous sum of £15.91 (bloody Gillette Mach 3!)

 All in all the day went exactly as I had predicted.

More soon.

Ben